The Truth in Apples

There is quite a difference in knowing the truth and being aware of it. I am getting more and more convinced that one cannot know the truth in its entirety. I shall start referring to myself now as I cannot be sure about the impressions of others.

Whenever I fell the truth, the point of everything in one small subjective experience, I try to grasp it rationally. And I never succeed. I always get close to it, though. This feeling of not being able to reason the truth can best be presented by an analogy. It is as if I were standing in front of this magnificent apple, starving to death. The apple is within my reach yet I cannot grab it. My arms, my legs, my body is paralysed. When I feel the truth, I have the apple, but I am not conscious of it. When I feel the truth, I do not understand nor want the apple. It is simply here with me, all the time. But when I try and reach to grab it, to posses it - it disappears. What can a simple apple teach me about life? That it should be lived within the truth and as the truth. It should simply be lived.

Rambling on...

The Middle Way

The truth always lies somewhere in the middle. So the answer to the everlasting question "How should I live my life" is "in balance". Voltaire wrote: "Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy." Also, in hinduism, there's a saying: "Neti, neti", which literally means "not this, not that". It is no wonder then, Buddha proposed the Middle way. This goes strongly against both; asceticism and hedonism. It is neither of the two.

However, when such philosophy is to be put in everyday behavior, even reasoning, it becomes clear it takes hard work to integrate it. At first, there's always a struggle. There's a program written in each and every one of us, that works below our conscious control. The goal is not to oppose it or accept it but rather see it, acknowledge it, become aware of it. Again, there is nothing wrong with opposing or accepting, it is about finding the right balance between the two and not letting it consume you. Sure, sometimes you have to fight against the impulses and sometimes you have to give in, but by observing such actions you are not losing yourself in them. That brings me once again to the attachment, however, I will not speak of it this time.

It seems to me that these notes which I put down are merely attempts to answer the questions I have, while the real answers (or truth) keeps eluding me. It is quite plausible that the questions that arise during my time of writing, thinking, meditating are the only worthwhile things I will get. To conclude, I think that in defining the Middle way one is destined to fail, but the purpose of it is not in the act of finding the truth but simply in the act of seeking it. By doing so, goal ultimately becomes unimportant and the mind becomes opened to the experience of the present moment.

Rambling on...

How to change oneself and another

Through my mental investigations and through reading various sources and talking to my friends, I've come to two conclusions. They deal specifically with change. As I've concluded in the previous post, the only stable thing in this world is instability, change. Firstly, I think, we should acknowledge change and not fight against it. I am being careful here in not saying accept but acknowledge instead. To accept means to integrate, to acknowledge means to be aware of. There's a huge difference.

When you acknowledge the all surrounding change, life suddenly gets a new meaning. It is like seeing all the old things for the first time. A new perspective, this time from the inside. In a way, life becomes meaningless. However, there's a paradox hiding somewhere. By being silent, you tell everything. By not doing, you do everything. By not being, you are. More than ever. It shifts you away from constructs and posits you in you by removing yourself. By relativization strong boundaries are acquired. However, the awareness remains. There really aren't no boundaries, you are not attached to them anymore, you only recognize that they are necessary.

So, within that kind of thinking, there is room for directed change. I believe that the only way to significantly change oneself with self-directed behavior is to form a habit and stick to it. You are what you do and you do what you are. There's a whole blog dedicated to forming habits. It's called ZenHabits and I would strongly recommend reading it.

By changing oneself, one can change others. As Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the  world." The only way to change others without fear or manipulations is by being a role model and recognizing that people can change only themselves and none other. So yeah, these are the two things I've figured out lately.

Rambling on...

Feeling overwhelmed

Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed with feelings. The polarity of it of course depends on the kind of feeling. If I am happy, then I'm bursting with energy. However, if I'm sad, I have a feeling of wanting to escape. To escape from this place, from this body even. It is at times like this that I realize, that location (even if it's some exotic island) cannot bring you peace or happiness. If you're miserable here, you'll be miserable everywhere. Now situation, that's different. It's completely different if you are alone or with others. Is that the thing that brings happiness? Contact with others? Why do others make us happy? Isn't it so that others also make us sad? What I'm trying to get to here is the role of other people in one's happiness.

What is happiness? To be ecstatic, filled with energy, smiling, satisfied with life? Does it even exist? Is it merely a construct of a human mind? I think so. But to say that, you have to generalize. Everything is a construct of a human mind. Everything. Does that make it any less real? This has serious implications regarding the meaning of life. How can things like freedom, happiness or love be worth living for if they're made up? Plus, freedom cannot exist without imprisonment. Every yin has a yang. So why do we strive so fiercely towards one end of it? We cannot be wealthy without meagerness, we cannot be happy without sadness. We want to abolish the main reason happiness exist - its counterpart. It cannot exist without it. I'm stuck here.

Why do I even want to know such things? I guess I'm seeking for a guidance. Nothing really satisfies me, because everything I've encountered by now is passing. And I guess I want stability. I was raised in a stable home, a kind of home, where everybody was nice and always there for me. It must have created an illusion of foreverness, infinity, immortality. That however, was put on a test, when someone really significant left me. Though I'm young, I do not feel immortal anymore. And it scares me. I have yet to find something stable. However, as I was saying previously, instability cannot exist without stability. Wow, this shocks me. So basically, stability should exist. But where? What? What is stability? If everything is a subject to change, what is that one thing that isn't? Of course. Change. Change is stable. Can I live with that? In constant uncertainty?

Through history we've tried everything to avoid that. Science is here to predict. Yet how successful can it ultimately be? Everything changes. It seems like science is built on an assumption that laws govern our universe, our lives. Yet it fails to explain them completely. I've once heard of an idea of an unified field. But can we ever understand life like that, through words and formulas? A map is not a territory, Korzybski ingeniously remarked.

I really should add something here. Everything I write is not an absolute statement. I am not saying that anything I wrote is true. This writings are simply my way of trying to understand this world and this life better.

Rambling on...

Is there anything worth living for?

I guess it has to be because a vast majority of us isn't going to kill ourselves any time soon. But what precisely is that? What is the force that drives us on? We are on the never ending road. Is there any meaning in life? WHAT is the meaning of life? Is it what you make it to be? This doesn't satisfy me. If everybody has different meaning, there's infinite meanings of life. Isn't there supposed to be just one? Or are we just unconsciously striving for that one meaning? Is that natural? I mean, every religion strives towards one truth. No, i haven't checked every single religion possible.

So, the basic question is: why am I not killing myself right now? What stops me from doing so? Is it attachment? Is it pleasure I gain from living? What exactly is pleasure? Someone enjoys one activity very much while the other hates it. Everything is relative. Even physical pleasure - one enjoys one meal, another not so much. So we have to be programmed in a certain way. In a way, that makes everything unpredictable and relative. I've always wondered about personal preferences. Why is it one prefers blue and another yellow? Was one exposed to blue color a lot when he/she was just a baby? However, I don't think that's enough. One has to apply certain attitude towards exterior things to love them or hate them. Without any emotional investment, blue is simply blue. Not even that. It just is. So the world is neither blue nor not blue. Everything's so complicated. Or is it just me?

Rambling on...

The Talking Cure

Having suffered through some hard times myself I often found speaking about my problems or writing them down to be immensely helpful. Being curious as I am and knowing something about psychotherapy, I've stumbled upon this interesting technique: Talking cure. In essence, it is basically to talk your problems away. The theory behind it is that by conversing with somebody about your problems they will lost their importance and influence. Ultimately of course, it depends on the individual and his belief that talking about his problems will help. Basically it is a kind of a placebo.

So the take-away message is: Whenever in trouble, emotional crisis or any other jam; express yourself, talk to people around you, write your thoughts down. Eventually, this too shall pass.

Beware - Personal Space Invader!

Due to school obligations and some personal problems, I haven't written for a long time. Actually, I really didn't know what to write about. (Don't worry, this isn't going to be another rant.) Eventually, I decided to dedicate this post to... body language. To be more precise, this post is going to be about personal space.

For the last couple of weeks I've been working voluntarily with people with head injuries. Not being able to control themselves at times, they can really barge into your personal space. Although annoying, that's perfectly understandable. What is harder to understand are people smoking cigarettes 30cm from your face and on top of it being overly touchy. Of course, these are clearly my personal feelings. The question is why am I so sensitive about my personal space?

The answer can be found in a book by Allan Pease (1988) with the author being one of the earliest  researchers of body language. As one might guess, personal space is strongly culturally determined. For example, Italians have a smaller personal space than Norwegians. That could also be interpreted as a result of warmer and colder climate with people in warmer climates having smaller personal space. Another factor is the population density. People in rural areas are said to have a larger personal space than people in urban areas.

Personal space also depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person you're talking to. Obviously, you won't let a stranger as close as you would let your wife, husband or a dear friend. And if you do, you'll feel much more uncomfortable. Myself, having been raised in the country and studying in the city, obviously have a larger personal space than my fellow students raised in the city. Hence my discomfort. So next time you're not getting positive vibes from a stranger you just met be sure to check if you're invading their personal space.

More information on personal space and its relevance can be found in the above mentioned book.


References

Pease, A. (1988). Body Language. Sheldon Press: London.