Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The stereotypically critical

A lot of people these days have their own opinion about just about everything. They think they know what is best for the state, the environment, the school system, their kids, etc. They just love to put their two cents to the debate. There should really be a list of stuff people so energetically approve of yet never question it. The problem is of course two-faced. On the one side I have my personal opinion, which may as well be flawed. On the other side, this type of complaining ("fighting" for the rights of just about anything) is probably just a way of relieving some kind of symptom people have and obviously share. It just pisses me off so much sometimes.

Rambling on...

Sunday, March 3, 2013


Sometimes, things look blurry. Sometimes, things look bleak. And of course, sometimes everything is fine, even wonderful. The question is not in preventing or dictating such or such times, the question lies in handling them. Furthermore, in not handling them. We are quickly faced with two choices on two ends. First, the feeling itself. Should we embrace it or resist it? Is there a middle way? There is a curious case of Melville's Bartleby, who never had anything else to say than "I would prefer not to". How to distance oneself from the emotional turmoil within and choose the middle way? The no-way, to be precise. Hot to cut through reality and remain ... something? It is hardly conceivable that such feat is even possible. The no-way demands no-man. A man, whose sole existence is characterized by not being. As Jesus said: "My kingdom is not of this world." Not being of this world means not being symbolized, being a part of Real. It doesn't call unto others, it calls upon one man to see others from a position constantly changing. Not revolting or adhering. Being the part of life, where all we have, is the possibility of being or not being and persisting in such a perplexing position.

But I digress. What I wanted to point out is that problem is the problem itself and remains that way unless we sweep it of its "feet" and make look on itself from the inside out, noticing that it is empty but still acknowledging its possibility to be or not to be. Until that happens, we are condemned to fluctuations. Still better, we are condemned to be upset by them, either by happiness, sadness or some other affection.

Rambling on...

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The most valuable thing in the world

An interesting thing happened to me a couple of days ago. I was doing my practical work as a student in the hospital and I was joining a study group, which consisted of a teacher and five girls between ages of 10 and 13. Teacher introduced a new exercise and presented a wooden box. She said that in it they will find the thing that is the most valuable thing in the world to them. The she passed the box around in a circle and told the girls to open it, look in it, wait until everyone takes a look and then tell everybody what they saw. As a spectator I also had a chance of opening the box and having a look. In it, there was a mirror. I smiled and passed it on. After the box had gone the whole circle, the teacher asked one of the girls, what was in the box. The girl quickly said: a mirror.

Simple as that.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Truth in Apples

There is quite a difference in knowing the truth and being aware of it. I am getting more and more convinced that one cannot know the truth in its entirety. I shall start referring to myself now as I cannot be sure about the impressions of others.

Whenever I fell the truth, the point of everything in one small subjective experience, I try to grasp it rationally. And I never succeed. I always get close to it, though. This feeling of not being able to reason the truth can best be presented by an analogy. It is as if I were standing in front of this magnificent apple, starving to death. The apple is within my reach yet I cannot grab it. My arms, my legs, my body is paralysed. When I feel the truth, I have the apple, but I am not conscious of it. When I feel the truth, I do not understand nor want the apple. It is simply here with me, all the time. But when I try and reach to grab it, to posses it - it disappears. What can a simple apple teach me about life? That it should be lived within the truth and as the truth. It should simply be lived.

Rambling on...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Middle Way

The truth always lies somewhere in the middle. So the answer to the everlasting question "How should I live my life" is "in balance". Voltaire wrote: "Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy." Also, in hinduism, there's a saying: "Neti, neti", which literally means "not this, not that". It is no wonder then, Buddha proposed the Middle way. This goes strongly against both; asceticism and hedonism. It is neither of the two.

However, when such philosophy is to be put in everyday behavior, even reasoning, it becomes clear it takes hard work to integrate it. At first, there's always a struggle. There's a program written in each and every one of us, that works below our conscious control. The goal is not to oppose it or accept it but rather see it, acknowledge it, become aware of it. Again, there is nothing wrong with opposing or accepting, it is about finding the right balance between the two and not letting it consume you. Sure, sometimes you have to fight against the impulses and sometimes you have to give in, but by observing such actions you are not losing yourself in them. That brings me once again to the attachment, however, I will not speak of it this time.

It seems to me that these notes which I put down are merely attempts to answer the questions I have, while the real answers (or truth) keeps eluding me. It is quite plausible that the questions that arise during my time of writing, thinking, meditating are the only worthwhile things I will get. To conclude, I think that in defining the Middle way one is destined to fail, but the purpose of it is not in the act of finding the truth but simply in the act of seeking it. By doing so, goal ultimately becomes unimportant and the mind becomes opened to the experience of the present moment.

Rambling on...

Friday, January 13, 2012

How to change oneself and another

Through my mental investigations and through reading various sources and talking to my friends, I've come to two conclusions. They deal specifically with change. As I've concluded in the previous post, the only stable thing in this world is instability, change. Firstly, I think, we should acknowledge change and not fight against it. I am being careful here in not saying accept but acknowledge instead. To accept means to integrate, to acknowledge means to be aware of. There's a huge difference.

When you acknowledge the all surrounding change, life suddenly gets a new meaning. It is like seeing all the old things for the first time. A new perspective, this time from the inside. In a way, life becomes meaningless. However, there's a paradox hiding somewhere. By being silent, you tell everything. By not doing, you do everything. By not being, you are. More than ever. It shifts you away from constructs and posits you in you by removing yourself. By relativization strong boundaries are acquired. However, the awareness remains. There really aren't no boundaries, you are not attached to them anymore, you only recognize that they are necessary.

So, within that kind of thinking, there is room for directed change. I believe that the only way to significantly change oneself with self-directed behavior is to form a habit and stick to it. You are what you do and you do what you are. There's a whole blog dedicated to forming habits. It's called ZenHabits and I would strongly recommend reading it.

By changing oneself, one can change others. As Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the  world." The only way to change others without fear or manipulations is by being a role model and recognizing that people can change only themselves and none other. So yeah, these are the two things I've figured out lately.

Rambling on...

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Feeling overwhelmed

Sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed with feelings. The polarity of it of course depends on the kind of feeling. If I am happy, then I'm bursting with energy. However, if I'm sad, I have a feeling of wanting to escape. To escape from this place, from this body even. It is at times like this that I realize, that location (even if it's some exotic island) cannot bring you peace or happiness. If you're miserable here, you'll be miserable everywhere. Now situation, that's different. It's completely different if you are alone or with others. Is that the thing that brings happiness? Contact with others? Why do others make us happy? Isn't it so that others also make us sad? What I'm trying to get to here is the role of other people in one's happiness.

What is happiness? To be ecstatic, filled with energy, smiling, satisfied with life? Does it even exist? Is it merely a construct of a human mind? I think so. But to say that, you have to generalize. Everything is a construct of a human mind. Everything. Does that make it any less real? This has serious implications regarding the meaning of life. How can things like freedom, happiness or love be worth living for if they're made up? Plus, freedom cannot exist without imprisonment. Every yin has a yang. So why do we strive so fiercely towards one end of it? We cannot be wealthy without meagerness, we cannot be happy without sadness. We want to abolish the main reason happiness exist - its counterpart. It cannot exist without it. I'm stuck here.

Why do I even want to know such things? I guess I'm seeking for a guidance. Nothing really satisfies me, because everything I've encountered by now is passing. And I guess I want stability. I was raised in a stable home, a kind of home, where everybody was nice and always there for me. It must have created an illusion of foreverness, infinity, immortality. That however, was put on a test, when someone really significant left me. Though I'm young, I do not feel immortal anymore. And it scares me. I have yet to find something stable. However, as I was saying previously, instability cannot exist without stability. Wow, this shocks me. So basically, stability should exist. But where? What? What is stability? If everything is a subject to change, what is that one thing that isn't? Of course. Change. Change is stable. Can I live with that? In constant uncertainty?

Through history we've tried everything to avoid that. Science is here to predict. Yet how successful can it ultimately be? Everything changes. It seems like science is built on an assumption that laws govern our universe, our lives. Yet it fails to explain them completely. I've once heard of an idea of an unified field. But can we ever understand life like that, through words and formulas? A map is not a territory, Korzybski ingeniously remarked.

I really should add something here. Everything I write is not an absolute statement. I am not saying that anything I wrote is true. This writings are simply my way of trying to understand this world and this life better.

Rambling on...